...then 2 years later u were runnin late, but i knew u were worth the wait...

Well its about 1:30 or so in the morning and I'm bored out of my mind! I don't even really know what to write about right now but I feel like blogging. So school is almost out. One more week til graduation. Once that is over with its only a matter of time until my time here at CBU is done. Its a bitter sweet feeling for me to leave CBU. I'm excited to have a fresh start somewhere else. I'm excited for a school to see me for who I am now and not who I was 7 years ago. I have come along way in life, its just sad that certain people cant see that. Its all good though. There is a reason that I am being pulled away from this place. God knows what He is doing so I am not worried. It wont be fun though to leave the people here though at Cal Bap. Its like I'm saying goodbye to family almost! Which I hate doing! But sometimes you still just gotta go. I have made a lot of good friends here that I love and appreciate so much. I have been truly blessed to work with great people this year and have deepened friendships through Res Life that I will be forever thankful for! Part of me looks back on this year though and I wonder why I chose some of the paths I did with my life. I have been very thankful for this past year and I feel that I have grown a lot in life. I still think I suck at being a follower of Christ but part of me feels that I will feel that way for the rest of my life. But there are some paths that I chose to not walk down while I was here and to be honest I'm not too sure why. There were no warning signs at all. For some reason though I avoided the road. I think a big part of it was fear of where those roads would lead to and another part of me thinks its just because I'm a moron!!! But God is bigger than my moronic choices in life and hopefully in the end it will work out for the best. So who knows, I can always play the what if game but that will get me nowhere. One day I'll man up and just go for it as long as someone doesn't end up beating me to the punch! Only time will tell....

picture me rollin...

I must say that its the little things in life that make us the most happiest! And for me right now i just cant imagine my life with out these two things. Red Robin and my broke @$$ jeep!!! Either way you look at it, one of these two things are going to end up killing me one day! Which is a funny joke but at the same time, sadly its true. But any who. I will always love Red Robin, even though they got rid of mt. dew which highly infuriated me! And I will always love my jeep. I don't know how much longer my jeep will last but it has been nice while it has lasted it. A lot of cruises around Big Bear Lake I have taken in that beast. Along with requests from fellow friends that just want to ride in the dirt infested G ride! Ronnie's butt almost falling out of it as i flipped that B on the way to chapel back in the day! People putting food in my jeep my freshman year which enticed cats to come live in it! Ronnie pushing my jeep back to the mechanic two minutes after the mechanic just fixed it! Pushing that bad boy through the parking lot of Target trying to pop my clutch to start the damn thing! Ronnie blowin the "HO" train whistle in it on our way home back from chapel letting people know that it was us last night that just pranked you! So many pleasant memories in the jeep! So big ups for the beaten up jeep and to Rojo! Without you two in my life I don't know where I would be.

all for love the Savior prayed... though they know not what they do, let the CROSS draw man to YOU!

So I tried to add a picture to this blog but for some stupid reason it wont post the freakin picture! Yay for the stupid Internet that sometimes does what it wants you to but most of the time doesn't!!! But any who, on a lighter note, life is going pretty good right now I guess. No real major problems in my life and as of right now there is no drama lurking over my "exciting" life which is fabulous! With all that being said it kind of worries me. Life is never really this easy so to speak for me. Normally when things start to go smooth I kind of freak out cause that means something crazy is going to happen. So hopefully this time that wont be the case. All in all though I'm excited for what the future holds for me. Its going to be hard to say goodbye to CBU and the friends that I have made here over time and this year. I know I wont be saying goodbye forever but they wont be apart of my daily life any more and that will be a bummer. God is good though and the people I meet in Phoenix I'm sure will be just as great as the people I have met out here. I think the new surroundings will help me re-focus on things in life and what I want to do long term. I love it here at CBU but its all too familiar to me and that at times can be a hindrance. So hopefully the new surroundings will be a positive influence in my life. We will see though.
So these next few months I hope to use my time wisely here and not waist any energy on things that I don't need to be waisting energy on! Life is too short to be waisting time. There are too many people that I love and care about that my time and energy could be going towards. But sadly my passion for people causes me to focus so much on them that I forget to give my time to the One who died on the cross for me. That area is still a part of my life that I struggle with so much. I get too easily distracted and it bugs the crap out of me. I'm still seeking and praying Lord on how to truly seek after You. I think I get it all wrong cause I try to do just that without You. Weird how that works out. For some reason I keep trying to be the fire starter. I keep trying to be the one who makes this all come to life for me. But it seems that this will never become a reality for me cause my unfaithfulness pushes me away from You. I feel like I have trouble understanding Your Grace and what it truly means to me and my life. Plus I just suck at relationships with Father figures! I have never been good at it and because I lived most of this life without a dad then why would I need another. Its a sad reality but unfortunately its a true one for me. That's why its so hard for me I think. For 20 plus years I have had this mentality and its a hard one for me to break. But I have to but I cant do it on my own. That's where the prayer comes in but its a slow process. One day though Lord, I pray to see fruits of the process. Until then though Ill keep fighting!