all for love the Savior prayed... though they know not what they do, let the CROSS draw man to YOU!

So I tried to add a picture to this blog but for some stupid reason it wont post the freakin picture! Yay for the stupid Internet that sometimes does what it wants you to but most of the time doesn't!!! But any who, on a lighter note, life is going pretty good right now I guess. No real major problems in my life and as of right now there is no drama lurking over my "exciting" life which is fabulous! With all that being said it kind of worries me. Life is never really this easy so to speak for me. Normally when things start to go smooth I kind of freak out cause that means something crazy is going to happen. So hopefully this time that wont be the case. All in all though I'm excited for what the future holds for me. Its going to be hard to say goodbye to CBU and the friends that I have made here over time and this year. I know I wont be saying goodbye forever but they wont be apart of my daily life any more and that will be a bummer. God is good though and the people I meet in Phoenix I'm sure will be just as great as the people I have met out here. I think the new surroundings will help me re-focus on things in life and what I want to do long term. I love it here at CBU but its all too familiar to me and that at times can be a hindrance. So hopefully the new surroundings will be a positive influence in my life. We will see though.
So these next few months I hope to use my time wisely here and not waist any energy on things that I don't need to be waisting energy on! Life is too short to be waisting time. There are too many people that I love and care about that my time and energy could be going towards. But sadly my passion for people causes me to focus so much on them that I forget to give my time to the One who died on the cross for me. That area is still a part of my life that I struggle with so much. I get too easily distracted and it bugs the crap out of me. I'm still seeking and praying Lord on how to truly seek after You. I think I get it all wrong cause I try to do just that without You. Weird how that works out. For some reason I keep trying to be the fire starter. I keep trying to be the one who makes this all come to life for me. But it seems that this will never become a reality for me cause my unfaithfulness pushes me away from You. I feel like I have trouble understanding Your Grace and what it truly means to me and my life. Plus I just suck at relationships with Father figures! I have never been good at it and because I lived most of this life without a dad then why would I need another. Its a sad reality but unfortunately its a true one for me. That's why its so hard for me I think. For 20 plus years I have had this mentality and its a hard one for me to break. But I have to but I cant do it on my own. That's where the prayer comes in but its a slow process. One day though Lord, I pray to see fruits of the process. Until then though Ill keep fighting!