It takes one to know me....

I sit in my empty apartment tonight with so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. Some good... Some bad... A big part of me is excited for the future but another part is nervous to see what the future holds. My time is coming close to an end out here in Whittier. Whether or not ill come back only the Lord knows. A big part of me is sad to leave. I haven't made many friends out here but the ones I have I will truly miss. Even if most of our hangout time was in red and khaki. But with the sadness comes happiness from where im about to be. Its always a pleasant feeling to reunite with old friends. Yet I still sit in my apartment tonight with an uneasy feeling. im not too sure why either. Maybe its because I don't know what tomorrow will hold for me. Tomorrow is suppose to be my last day at work but a big part of me thinks that something is going to get screwed up with my departure from the red and khaki army. That may not be the case but that's what my gut tells me right now. Then I have an interview with my old school for a resident director job. Part of me is really excited for that but then at the same time I feel like I have already lost that fight. But hopefully I can change peoples minds about me and let them see that my life has changed a lot since I was last in school. Hopefully bias thoughts and feelings wont get in the way of things. All in all I know the Lord will help me get to where I need to be. I wont put my faith in man and his decision but rather in the Lord and His ultimate plan. So as my life continues to change with the seasons of life, ill try not to ask why but rather be active for Him no matter where im at. Ill take my passions that dwell deep within inside of me and put them into action and change the world one by one with the help of Him. im not going to be one of those people anymore that piss away passions but rather put them to good use. Within all those passions I pray that I can learn to passionately pursue Him in away that I have never have before. In a way that would leave others in astonishment but in a good way. Its only by His grace do I have the opportunity live such a life so I will do my best to not take that grace for grant it.

Transparent thoughts....

We try and try and try but yet still come up short. Effort is made to only be shot down. Effort is made by others and is accepted and plans are made. Will time one day be in my favor? Perhaps it is right now but I just don't realize it. Maybe one day ill be at the top of the totem pole... Probably not though. Perhaps the words that come out of my mouth fall on deaf ears or skeptical hearts... Perhaps the lyrics of my heart don't reach out and grab you like I wish they would... Fear has become my own worst enemy and perhaps yours too... But as time goes on ill continue to pursue my dreams and see where the Lord directs my path. Selfishly I want to take control but its obvious that He wont and isn't going to let that happen. We see the world totally differently but yet so similar. Simple thoughts plague my mind but faded dreams burden my heart. One day my words and thoughts will click in your head and realization will kick in on what I have been trying to say all along. But until then ill continue to work on my character as a man and my integrity as a leader. Im sure ill still come up short in each area only to hopefully overcome my mistakes and let them stay in the past. So until then...

the time has come....

sometimes chasing your dreams can be the scariest thing. reason being is the failure of not achieving something that you so strongly desire. unfortunately failure is apart of life, its apart of our growing process as humans. on the other side though is achieving and accomplishment. fulfillment of finally reaching your goals that have been set out before you. growing up as a child i guess that i had big dreams but to me, thats all they were.... dreams and nothing more. even going through high school and college. dreams were dreams and reality was reality. for some strange reason i never expected big things to happen for me. ive always come up 2nd when it comes to life. i have always been so close but yet no cigar. then when i finally graduated college it kind of hit me. for some strange reason i never saw myself ever graduating college. why you ask? i have no idea, thats just what i thought. so then i graduated with nothing to look forward to. i had this big college degree that was suppose to qualify me for "big jobs" but yet i didnt feel that way. i still felt like an average guy who would only accomplish average things. then one day things started to click in my head. the choice of just letting life happen or the choice to make life happen came across my path. and for once i was going to make life happen and not sit back and watch great things pass me by. i was tired of settling for less. i was tired of waisting my talents that God instilled in me a long time ago. so i finally chose action over complacency. so from there i pursued dreams and goals. i still come up short in some but began to grow closer to others. now the time to achieve a goal is within my grasp. i can feel it on the edge of my fingertips. i will soon find out if all my efforts and energy will pay off from the past 3 or 4 months. am i scared? yeah, a bit. am i excited? heck ya. a bit nervous? of course. but with all that i still stand confident. i stand confident in the man that God has made me into. i stand confident in the characterstics that makes james rogers. i stand confident in the fact that im not an average joe, that im somebody special and different from most. so tomorrow i will go into the battlefield and let the real me shine to those who i come in contact with. its time to make life happen and to fight the good fight.....

trying to be patient...

so many things to say but yet i dont know what to say. so many things are going on in life and it seems to be changing by the week but yet at the same time certain things havent changed for a long while for me. so i ask myself " is the juice worth the squeeze"? is the risk worth the reward? i mean, i know it is but then again i stand hesistant. of what.... many things i guess. so where do i go from here? what do i say? what do i do? i know in the end things will work out how its suppose to but in the mean time its rough. timing has never been on my side with anything which has created different road blocks for me when it comes to life's little situations. hopefully ill figure something out when it comes to this and hopefully it wont be too late by the time i reach a conclusion. ill try to be patient and discern when the right time may be again to try things out. so until then...

Which will you choose....

We all live our life for different reason. And within the life that we live, different moments define us. Different situations are placed in front of us and how we handle those situations could change our life forever. But one question comes to mind for me, what separates someone from being great compared to just average? I believe we are all faced with different moments in our life to become great and do great things but for whatever reason we let those moments just pass us by and always wonder what if. For most of my life I have always just kind of sat back and to some extent, waited for great things to happen to me but that can only take a person so far. The time has come though for me to do great things, to take that next step and achieve the things that I truly believe I'm capable of doing. The results to different situations lie in our own hands. I cant expect someone else to do the work for me or hope that it will all work out. Some people say that maybe its not God's will that you achieve this or that He has something way better planned for you. Which in many aspects I do believe. But if I'm living my life in a way that glorifies Him, does it really matter what job I have? Will God not allow me to achieve certain goals because its not in His will? Will I mess up His sovereign plan if I do get this job? So many questions when it comes to this topic. But what if God has the door shut and locked but yet is sitting on the otherside of the door waiting to see if I will figure out still how to get it open? What if He purposely has made the road a lot tougher just to see how hard I will fight? So many questions that come to mind. The time has come though to put on my game face and make things happen. To gather up my confidence and let it shine throughout my actions. To put it all on the line and not hold back. No one ever achieved a dream by just sitting back and waiting on the dream to just happen. Hard work and dedication comes into accomplishing any dream or goal in life. So whatever fears or nerves that are within me will be pushed to the side and the time to be great will be upon me. Its do or die time...

Patiently Pursuing....

At times I feel that I have so much that I want to say but I hold back for whatever reason. I have never really been the person that keeps things in but for a good five or six months now I have learned to keep my mouth shut and let time run its course. Yet still at the same time there is so much that I want to say and do but choose to lay low, to pursue the different goals that I have set for myself right now. So we'll see I guess. Like you said a long while ago, out of sight but not out of mind... In time they say that people change and so do thoughts and emotions but for once I seem to have a developed a fond consistency of thoughts and what not which is kind of neat... We all live our lives with anticipation of what the future holds but in many aspects, the future is now, its constantly creeping up on us. And not that I'm anxious for the future, but rather I find myself confident and content with what the future holds for me... Like I said, the future is upon us and its time to make our futuristic goals a reality within our own lives. With that said, for some reason I find myself hesistant, afraid to make some of my dreams come to life right now. The past and failure way heavy on my thoughts when it comes to this. Not that I'm driven by the fear of failure but I guess I'm just a bit more contemplative and thoughtful on the subject. Afraid to make a good thing go bad... But such is life right now, full of life changing choices that could impact my life and others for the rest of our time here on earth. I just hope the choices make positive impacts instead of negative impacts. I'm tired of the negative, I want to make positive, life changing choices.... Hopefully timing will be on myside this time and not an enemy like previously. Bumps in the road will appear in this journey but I will not be shaken....So I'll continue to passinonately pursue the dreams of my heart that will hopefully direct me in my path of life. Hopefully one day passions will be combined and the road will grow wider to make room that special person and new dreams will be created to be chased after together.... but until then...

Throw The First Stone At Me....

Well... once again my overactive mind has gotten the best of me and is plagued with thoughts of all kinds. I try to silence the thoughts with music or words from others but still come up empty. One way or another I stand subjective to the words of my head and heart. From a glance you would never know of the struggles that plague my everyday life, the struggles that few know about and the struggles that I dont share with anyone. I live such an inconsistant life that it drives me crazy. There are days that I feel that I'm right on track and then there are days that I cant even find the track. But no matter what track I'm on the fight for righteousness burns within my soul. I will forever come up short of His glory but within that I pray to never lose the desire and will to fight the good fight. Imperfections will always be apart of my life which I feel at times will always be held over my head. But even through the thought of that I still share openly to those who actually care becuase I'm confident that my life's expereiences will one day be able to help another out and shed light on different situations. It seems that those things we are ashamed of the most will be the things that can help others overcome and defeat the problem before it arises within their life. Its not about pointing out the wrong in others lives but assesing the situations at hand and moving towards a better solution. Its not our job to condemn each other for our imperfections that we all have but rather to build up and encourage each other in this thing called life. Its ironic that we who are imperfect so quickly cast judgement upon one another. We who judge others will one day be judged twice as hard from someone who is perfect and blameless. The thought of that is kind of scary for me. "He who is without sin cast the first stone". This quote speaks truth no matter what you believe in. Its not our job to condemn those whose faults show more so than "ours".... This blog kind of came out of no where. When it comes to this topic I really didnt even had it in mind when i picked up the keyboard but there you have it. Definately a convicting blog for myself and no matter how much I feel that I'm improving in this subject I still get reminded in different ways of what my role is within this topic.