So the week is finally over and I must say that I am quite glad. It has been a long, draining, emotional week for me. I feel empty right now and I'm looking forward to the weekend to refresh me. It always seems that my life is constantly changing. Moment by moment it seems as if something new arises in my life. Sometimes good things arise and sometimes not so good things. But overall GOD is still good when it comes to the different curve balls that are thrown into my life. As much as I want to complain or what not I am still forever in debt t the cross. I don't deserve the mercy and grace that stems from it but I am forever thankful for it...... as of right now though my thoughts are my own worst enemy. So many questions and so many decisions. I feel that I have come to a decision on some of my questions the only problem is I don't know if I can follow through with them. And whats even harder is that I cant even talk with you about a lot of this. I have the conversations over and over in my head but it serves no purpose because its not your words I hear, its my own. Sometimes life is just too complicated for me but then again maybe I make it that way. But the silence is defining right now. When will the silence stop? I don't really know what to believe anymore. Everything including the cries of my own heart seems like lies to me these days. How will I know when it is the Lord speaking to me and not the desires of my own, selfish heart? When do I need to go against my own heart and just walk away? So many questions but I feel like I'm not ready for answers even though I pretend to search..... SO as I strum my worn out guitar and as I look to the sky, I pray that the Lord would protect your heart. I pray that life would not be more complicated than it ought to be and that choices would be made in faith. One day your eyes will be opened to what is in front of you. It may not be perfect what you see but I feel like when you do finally see it that it will be too late.
2 comments:
Just a word of encouragement: I can't tell you what you'll do next year anymore than you can, but I do know that whatever it is, God will use you and grow you just like He did here this year - keep your chin up, friend!
I don't think we always know when it is God speaking to us or when it's just our own desires. However, if you look at the intentions and desires behind those thoughts it might help discern between you and God. It may be hard work, but that's what we're called to. There is hope though. We serve a loving, caring, merciful God who has a plan more wonderful than we can imagine. I pray that God gives you wisdom and shows you where you belong in His plan. Just open your heart to him and be willing to obey.
If you ever wanna hang out, I'd love to get together. Maybe I can teach you some basic halo skills and you can teach me about everything else. haha
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