... if I could be like that, I would give anything....

So I am actually writing a blog in the afternoon for once and I must admit that it feels kind of weird. But now that school is out there is not to much to do right now. This morning I helped give an interview for a Grad Assistant spot here at CBU. And now I'm just kind of waiting for lunch to hit so that I can go eat. Graduation is tomorrow and its a pretty exciting time for some of my friends. Graduating college is a big deal it seems like. We are told our whole lives that we are suppose to graduate high school and then go to college. But once you finally graduate college its like whats next! I mean, all you ever hear growing up is about college and how you're suppose to go. No one ever talks about what comes after. But also now days a college degree isn't good enough it seems. You have to go back for more schooling and get your Masters degree! It never ends it seems! But any who, I am proud of my friends that have endured the trials and bumps in the road here at school and finished the race. Be proud of your accomplishments. Graduating from college is a big deal!

And as for me it feels like life is changing by the day for me. Pretty soon I will out of California and in Arizona. The distance will grow from those I care about the most once again but for good reason. Hopefully the rest of my time spent here at CBU will be fun. I'm not too sure how my summer is going to look. It's going to be a pain in the butt trying to relocate my life once again. I'm not really fond of moving, ever! It's one of those things that bug me, kind of like laundry. I hate doing both!!! But GOD is good and even though I'm not sure about certain things I can always be certain of HIM, which is comforting! So until next time...

...selah... the LORD, is a warrior....I will not fear what man can do to me...

So its another late night and I should be in bed but I'm not really tired so here I am writing a blog! Exciting I know. Any who, today was my last day coaching my boys from Corona High School. I couldn't be prouder of the...se bunch of guys. They played their hearts out all season and because of their heart and effort they ended up with a great winning record. It was a sad day though telling the guys that I wouldn't be coming back next year. They were all a bit sad which makes it a bit harder to say goodbye from so. cal. Hopefully though I can come back and visit them next year and check out one of their games and surprise them. So mad props to my Corona Boys. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Be proud of yourselves!!!




So yesterday I ended up writing a new song. I think I'm going to call it "once again". Its not very easy sometimes for me to get my thoughts out onto paper when it comes to writing songs but every once in a while it seems to flow so well. That doesn't mean though that the song is any good but it is a glimpse into my mind and heart. Songs can be so powerful at times its kind of scary. They can either be pick me uppers or downers. Most of my songs aren't the most positive because I feel that people relate better to sad songs. But occasionally I try to throw in a happy song. I would say this song isn't necessarily a sad one but more of me sayin, hey, I'm an idiot! Any who, there is no real point to this blog basically but at least its not emo! Music and Volleyball, its a big part of my life so I thought I would share a bit with any who care to read this blog. So until then, peace easy!

...then 2 years later u were runnin late, but i knew u were worth the wait...

Well its about 1:30 or so in the morning and I'm bored out of my mind! I don't even really know what to write about right now but I feel like blogging. So school is almost out. One more week til graduation. Once that is over with its only a matter of time until my time here at CBU is done. Its a bitter sweet feeling for me to leave CBU. I'm excited to have a fresh start somewhere else. I'm excited for a school to see me for who I am now and not who I was 7 years ago. I have come along way in life, its just sad that certain people cant see that. Its all good though. There is a reason that I am being pulled away from this place. God knows what He is doing so I am not worried. It wont be fun though to leave the people here though at Cal Bap. Its like I'm saying goodbye to family almost! Which I hate doing! But sometimes you still just gotta go. I have made a lot of good friends here that I love and appreciate so much. I have been truly blessed to work with great people this year and have deepened friendships through Res Life that I will be forever thankful for! Part of me looks back on this year though and I wonder why I chose some of the paths I did with my life. I have been very thankful for this past year and I feel that I have grown a lot in life. I still think I suck at being a follower of Christ but part of me feels that I will feel that way for the rest of my life. But there are some paths that I chose to not walk down while I was here and to be honest I'm not too sure why. There were no warning signs at all. For some reason though I avoided the road. I think a big part of it was fear of where those roads would lead to and another part of me thinks its just because I'm a moron!!! But God is bigger than my moronic choices in life and hopefully in the end it will work out for the best. So who knows, I can always play the what if game but that will get me nowhere. One day I'll man up and just go for it as long as someone doesn't end up beating me to the punch! Only time will tell....

picture me rollin...

I must say that its the little things in life that make us the most happiest! And for me right now i just cant imagine my life with out these two things. Red Robin and my broke @$$ jeep!!! Either way you look at it, one of these two things are going to end up killing me one day! Which is a funny joke but at the same time, sadly its true. But any who. I will always love Red Robin, even though they got rid of mt. dew which highly infuriated me! And I will always love my jeep. I don't know how much longer my jeep will last but it has been nice while it has lasted it. A lot of cruises around Big Bear Lake I have taken in that beast. Along with requests from fellow friends that just want to ride in the dirt infested G ride! Ronnie's butt almost falling out of it as i flipped that B on the way to chapel back in the day! People putting food in my jeep my freshman year which enticed cats to come live in it! Ronnie pushing my jeep back to the mechanic two minutes after the mechanic just fixed it! Pushing that bad boy through the parking lot of Target trying to pop my clutch to start the damn thing! Ronnie blowin the "HO" train whistle in it on our way home back from chapel letting people know that it was us last night that just pranked you! So many pleasant memories in the jeep! So big ups for the beaten up jeep and to Rojo! Without you two in my life I don't know where I would be.

all for love the Savior prayed... though they know not what they do, let the CROSS draw man to YOU!

So I tried to add a picture to this blog but for some stupid reason it wont post the freakin picture! Yay for the stupid Internet that sometimes does what it wants you to but most of the time doesn't!!! But any who, on a lighter note, life is going pretty good right now I guess. No real major problems in my life and as of right now there is no drama lurking over my "exciting" life which is fabulous! With all that being said it kind of worries me. Life is never really this easy so to speak for me. Normally when things start to go smooth I kind of freak out cause that means something crazy is going to happen. So hopefully this time that wont be the case. All in all though I'm excited for what the future holds for me. Its going to be hard to say goodbye to CBU and the friends that I have made here over time and this year. I know I wont be saying goodbye forever but they wont be apart of my daily life any more and that will be a bummer. God is good though and the people I meet in Phoenix I'm sure will be just as great as the people I have met out here. I think the new surroundings will help me re-focus on things in life and what I want to do long term. I love it here at CBU but its all too familiar to me and that at times can be a hindrance. So hopefully the new surroundings will be a positive influence in my life. We will see though.
So these next few months I hope to use my time wisely here and not waist any energy on things that I don't need to be waisting energy on! Life is too short to be waisting time. There are too many people that I love and care about that my time and energy could be going towards. But sadly my passion for people causes me to focus so much on them that I forget to give my time to the One who died on the cross for me. That area is still a part of my life that I struggle with so much. I get too easily distracted and it bugs the crap out of me. I'm still seeking and praying Lord on how to truly seek after You. I think I get it all wrong cause I try to do just that without You. Weird how that works out. For some reason I keep trying to be the fire starter. I keep trying to be the one who makes this all come to life for me. But it seems that this will never become a reality for me cause my unfaithfulness pushes me away from You. I feel like I have trouble understanding Your Grace and what it truly means to me and my life. Plus I just suck at relationships with Father figures! I have never been good at it and because I lived most of this life without a dad then why would I need another. Its a sad reality but unfortunately its a true one for me. That's why its so hard for me I think. For 20 plus years I have had this mentality and its a hard one for me to break. But I have to but I cant do it on my own. That's where the prayer comes in but its a slow process. One day though Lord, I pray to see fruits of the process. Until then though Ill keep fighting!

here I am, humbled by the love that You give... forgiven so that I can forgive...

So one thing that I have had been blessed with lately is the opportunity to lead worship both here at CBU with In His Image Week and in Utah at the Salt Lake City Rescue Mission and a local High School in Ogden. It was about 7 years ago when I first picked up a guitar. It was an instrument that I always loved because when I was little my Dad use to play it for me whenever I was back in Indiana. So as I stuck with the guitar these past 7 years I began to slowly get better through a lot of practice and playing with really good people. Then eventually I was able to put my gift of playing guitar to good use and started leading worship here and there. I think the first time I actually got to lead a worship time was up at Pine Summit. But back then I was really nervous to play and sing in front of people so most of the time I would play and I would have my best bud Steven sing. Eventually though it started to eat at me when it came to the reason why I was afraid to sing while leading worship. I use to be really self conscious of how I sounded and how other people would view me by my singing. But eventually the Lord convicted my heart and it hit me hard that it doesn't matter how I sound to other people. Worshiping is so much more than a nice voice. And finally I realized that. So with all that being said the Lord started to open up doors for me to lead worship and for once in my life I actually walked through those doors and I am so glad I did. My ability to lead worship is truly a gift from God and who am I to not glorify Him in return with that gift. And in Utah I was blessed to lead worship for a group of homeless men at the Rescue Mission. And to hear those men worship the same God that I do was amazing. My heart was truly touched by hearing their voices sing to the King. Amazing Grace never sounded so good as it did that day from the lips of those people. And to think that I would of never had that chance to hear those men sing if I allowed myself and own fears to get in the way. I learned a lot in Utah about not letting myself get in the way of what God was going to do. So praise be to the Maker of Heaven and Earth and don't worry Josh, we haven't forgotten about you man. Keep fighting the good fight bro!

a thousand times I've failed, still Your mercy remains...

So yesterday I arrived back in good ol Riverside from my ten day trip to Utah. I have so many thoughts and feelings when it comes to my time spent in Utah that one blog would not do my experience there justice. So ill just write a little bit here and there to give the scoop of what went on while there. We spent most of our time in Ogden, Utah which is a nice little town just north of Salt Lake City. It was a nice change of scenery for me and it felt nice to have that small town feeling once again. The pace of life out there in Utah is way slow in comparison to Cali and I loved it. But with all that being said the vibe of being a Christian in a dominant LDS area was quite an experience. Even though our trip was in America, the feeling of not being wanted around was very evident to me as well as the rest of my team. I have never really felt like a foreigner before in my own country but in Utah I did. Which is kind of weird. But overall is was neat to see what God was doing in Utah through the believers there. I was able to see authentic, faithful believers which weren't afraid to share the Good News with anyone who wanted to hear, especially the Mormon believers. I was highly impressed and encouraged by them. And within that I was challenged to go out and share the Gospel with those who were in need of it, which seemed like everyone I came in contact with. Here in America I think we forget to constantly be sharing the Good News that we know. For some odd reason we only want to share Christ with those over seas. But I learned that people here in America are just as lost as the rest of the world. And in Utah the deception and lies that have been told to these people sadden my heart. My eyes were opened to what the LDS church actually stands for and how it works. And my heart was broken for the LDS believers. This hit me the hardest when we traveled to BYU for the day. 30 thousand people, following a false GOD and false Jesus. Their eyes and heart completely blinded by the church. The campus itself was beautiful but the reality is that eternal damnation was walking around that campus and it took away from its beauty. But that's how the LDS church is. All outside beauty. Their buildings are amazing, their communities are very nice but inside they are all empty and there is no beauty. And that's why its so important to constantly be sharing Christ with all who will hear. The LDS people are not horrible people they are just deceived and the love of the true Jesus Christ will hopefully open their eyes and hearts to the real Truth! So hopefully my team and I were able to show just of glimpse of who the real GOD is and His everlasting love. If one person was moved by that, then our trip was well worth it!